This is all about Humor and creating smiles.
A Small white Dot
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. ‘It’s a period,’ he replied. ‘I can see that,’ said the teacher, ‘but what is so exciting about a period?
‘Darned if I know,’ he said, ‘but this morning my sister was missing one, my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy.”
The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”
If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.
Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.
So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
I decided to stop calling the bathroom “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Commandments for Seniors…
You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
Your people skills are fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
“On time” is when you get there.
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid – but it does muffle the sound.
It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
Lately, you’ve noticed that people your age are much older than you.
“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.